In the beginning, narcissists and sociopaths laser-focus their attention on you, like you’re the only person in the world. They text constantly, shower you with affection, amazed at how much you have in common. Your heart warms up to how much this person seems to “need” and appreciate you.
But once you’re hooked, everything starts to change. Suddenly this level of communication (that they initiated) seems to annoy them. Even though they once texted you on a minute-by-minute basis, you’re now simply expected to understand when they disappear for entire days because they’re “so busy”. They make you feel needy and clingy, acting as if you’re crazy for trying to continue the dynamic they created.
Your messages or calls will go ignored for hours, but meanwhile you’ll see them updating Facebook and commenting on other peoples’ photos. The message here isn’t that they’re actually busy, it’s that they’re too busy for you. It sends the message that you’re no longer as interesting to them, and they now have better things to do. But unlike a normal person who would just break up with you, they start showering you with affection again if they notice you pulling away.
Narcissists are always so “busy”, even though they magically had 24/7 free time for you in the beginning. The thing is, they still have that free time, but choose to spend it on other people to make you feel jealous. They have hours to drink, party, and flirt with others – to randomly become “workaholics” – to go out late with friends – but they make you feel bad for hoping that they might have 30 seconds to reply to a thoughtful message from you (their partner). You begin to feel like you’re competing with everyone else for their time and attention.
The final betrayal comes when you realize they were actually sleeping with someone else, so these excuses of “being busy” were actually a bunch of nonsense. Not only were they cheating on you, they were making you feel bad about it – pretending like their lives were so busy and important that they couldn’t give you the time of day. And the ridiculous thing is, they actually get irritated with you, as if they truly were busy.
Withholding affection is a great way to make someone feel like garbage, and it rapidly lowers your standards as you become more and more grateful for scraps. Someone who truly cares about you will make the time for you – they won’t make you feel like a chore or a nuisance. They also won’t start off the relationship with an excessive, unhealthy amount of communication and flattery.
When all is said and done, you will likely find a lot of inadequacy and jealousy lingering around your heart. This is natural when you’ve been compared to others, seeing their needs met, while yours are not. The healing begins when we stop focusing on the sociopath, and start offering love to these internal wounds:
Narcissists & Jealousy – Working With Difficult Emotions: https://www.psychopathfree.com/articles/narcissists-jealousy-working-with-difficult-emotions.353/
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